


Voices

by missgrumpgirl



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Depression, Other, Why Did I Write This?, poor matt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2020-05-07 12:18:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19209277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgrumpgirl/pseuds/missgrumpgirl
Summary: Follow the voice it knows the way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> REVISED AND REUPLOADED  
> If you like it let me know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt is a normal guy who trusts noone but himself and the voice in his head. He follows the same routine day after day, feeling the same things. Until a man by the name of Jeremy comes and turns that upside down.

Everyone has something to get them through the day. 

The buzz of the alarm cuts through the darkness. Now you must get up. In his head matt bragg gives himself the first task of the day. That's how he gets through his days. Commands . One for everything. 

Get dressed 

Brush hair 

Eat. 

Mechanically he does as the voice in his head tells him. 

Go to work 

Focus on the road

Don't think 

As long as he can go from one thing to the next there is no time for the darkness to invade. 

Park 

Get out 

Walk towards the office 

But still the numbness finds a way in. Not pain not happiness not anything. Well mostly not anything. The occasional ping of lonely makes it way in, only to be masked by the voice 

Nod to Jon 

Wave to gus 

Laugh at whatever burnie just said 

The pointlessness of everything around him 

Go to your desk 

Sit 

Open your build 

The monotony of the voice is almost soothing in the numbness his Brain. 

Place a block 

And another 

Now test if it works

 

Good matt. 

It is the only way he knows how to survive. Occasionally it gives him praise And it is nice to have the voice in his head to talk to him.  No one else will most of the time 

Move that block 

A burst of laughter brakes out behind him 

Michael 

Ryan 

Gavin 

Jack 

The voice names off the distinctive laughs. The people matt cares about most. The ones he longs to be like. The ones he never even had a chance with. For a moment the loneliness breaks the numbness only for the voice to push it down 

Keep your head down. 

Keep working 

Work harder 

the same people who rarely really acknowledge Matt as a real and valuable person. Who rarely acknowledged matt at all 

Deep breath 

in 

Out 

Slower 

Not for the first time, Matt instructes himself through a sea of anxiety. It's nice to have to the voice to tell him what to do. Then he doesn't have to think. Thinking leads to accepting and there are things matt doesn't want to accept. 

good 

Next block 

The panic is pushed back just a bit. Enough that hes not swallowed by one of the many anxiety attacks he experiences each day. 

Check film schedule 

Check editing schedule 

Back to the build. 

Around him the noise of the office continues. 

It registers as a slight buzz in his ears. As if he is separated faintly from those around him

As if the voice stands guard between them. Perhaps he would begrudge the voice for this (and occasionally he does) but it is more protector than separator and you cant get mad at someone for caring. Even if that someone is the little voice in your head. 

Click 

Drag 

Drop 

He wants to break through. To join. To laugh. To feel. To really feel. Something besides loneliness and fear. Something like happiness like he used to when he was younger and his whole life had yet to unfold. 

Open drink 

Sip 

Replace cap 

But he just doesn't know how. He tries to recall how younger him had done it. But it remains a mystery. 

Breathe 

In 

Out 

His desk feels like an island and his own personal demons line up like sharks In the water all around him.

 

The door opens. 

Keep eyes on screen .

 

Focus on the screen.

 

You don't need anything else 

A voice speaks 

Jeremy 

Jeremy. 

Jeremy. 

Matt repeats the name like a mantra. Jeremy he knows the best and if anyone could break through Matt's figurative shell it would be him 

You're ok 

Eyes on screen 

Double click

 

And again.

 

And breathe 

Matt works to keep up with his inner voice. To follow it's lead.  It's a brisk pace but does a wonderful job of giving him something to do. 

save build.

 

Hes getting nowhere, too on edge. so he saves rather than mess it up. That would be the last thing he needs

 

Check email.

 

Reply

 

That reply sucks

 

redo it.

 

“hey matt”  Matt's head snaps up. At first he thinks hes imagining things. It's been a long time since anyone has approached his desk. 

Jeremy 

Jeremy stands by Matt's desk. Very real and waiting for a reply 

Respond .

 

His inner voice keeps it's usual calm demeanor despite the situation 

“oh hey jer” 

Matt fights to sound normal. Or as normal as he usually sounds 

“what're you working on” he looks over Matt's shoulder. 

Be quick

 

Once again, such a usual response for such an unusual situation. 

“I just finished the minecraft build that you guys will be playing next week and now I'm clearing up some details over email.” matt winces, wishing he had a more interesting response. The other guys are always doing something cool. why is jeremy talking to him.

 

Who cares.

 

Jeremy is talking to him 

“sounds cool. Cant wait to play it. You make great builds. I wish I could make them as good as you. Anyways. Have fun” Jeremy smiles and walks away.

 

Matt and his inner voice are unsure what to make of this conversation so they don't really dwell on it at all. Or they try not to. 

Get back to work 

For the first time perhaps ever the voice stutters slightly.

 

For a second the numbness pulls away.

 

Wake up.

The alarm goes off and matt sits up. He blinks heavily wondering if yesterday was a drea..

Get dressed

Eat.

Have fun.

The last command comes in Jeremy's voice. But matt doesn't show it away. IIt's out of place and disrupts his thoughts slightlh. But It also gives a warmth hes not used to but appreciates all the same.

 

Definitely not a dream. 

Get in the car 

Turn here 

Break 

Have fun 

It repeats every so often. A reminder that good things do happen. A reminder that he is not alone. 

Wave

Nod

smile slightly 

Have fun

“hey matt.” the voice taking up part time residence in his head is echoed by iit's real world counterpart and Matt trys to take it in stride. Jereny addressing him two times in one week. things are looking up 

Reply

 

The voice prompts him sounding half matt and half Jeremy.

“hey jeremy  you too”

Smile

 

Mean it.

The smile matt gives feels more genuine this time. Hes hopeful perhaps hell have more reason to really smile and meaning it will come more naturally the more he does it. 

Wake up 

 

Have fun

Get up

Matt sits up to his alarm. Jeremy's voice has replaced his completely. It's less monotonous and he prefers it.

Have a good day.

Get dressed

 

Don't get too excited. 

 

For a moment the old voice is gone. 

 

Today will be a good day

Jeremy's voice comes back through.

It repeats jeremy's words as often as Matt's issued commands.

Have fun.

Eat  

 

Leave for work

 

It's gonna be a good day.

But it's softer than Matt's was

 

Jeremy approaches Matt's desk. “Hey, We need another body for a jackbox game. Would you be interested?” matt hesitates. He waits for his inner voice to give him something to work with. Or the inner jeremy voice to encourage him. 

“the answers yes come on”

Jeremy beats inner matt and inner jeremy to it.

The voice is silent and for the first time in.. matt tries to remember the last time he was without the voice. Years at least. Hes not sure what to do without the guidance so he tries to do what feels natural. He dives right into the game with the others.

and what do you know, he doesn't die.

He even gets a few laughs. Not as many as say ryan or jeremy or Michael but he holds his own more than he ever imagined he could and without the voice. it's a small miracle. And To him it's everything. 

 

“you were really good.” jeremy walks matt back to his desk after the game. “thanks I surprised myself. I'm not usually that funny” matt laughs slightly, working with his own brand of self deprecating humor. “well I thought you were hilarious” jeremy sounds sincere and matt feels himself stand a little straighter at his friends (can he call them friends? Hed like to call them friends) compliment. 

 

“well I've got to go and talk to Michael about a let's play.” jeremy says. “while I'm doing that would you update my capture” matt nods and jeremy Pat's his shoulder before walking away 

For a second matt forgets how to breathe. No one touches him. He waits again for the voice to give him a task but it wont come. He is left to go it alone. Quickly he makes a task himself. Update Jeremy's capture and perfect the build for tomorrow. Maybe he doesn't need the voice to survive. 

 

matt wakes up in a sweat. He doesn't remember the nightmare but he does remember what woke him up. His inner jeremy voice screaming one word 

 

Run.

 

 

“are you coming to lunch?” matt pops his head up from the video concept he's writing. Jeremy is standing next to his desk casually. Matt wishes he could be that casual. He feels appreciative to have a friend like that. “we want to film a lunch blog, you can be camera man.” jeremy winks at matt. Matt feels a small group of butterflies emerge in his stomach. As is habit, he tries to let his inner self make the decision but no help comes. So he makes a decision. “yea sure. Why not” he stands up and follows jeremy. Is this was happy feels like?

 

 

Matt stares at his desk. His inner voice has been awfully quiet since Jeremy's voice and it's living counter part have started invading his mind. He used to have a million layers of protection built headed by his inner voice to protect him from the insecurity and loneliness. And Jeremy came and tore that down. How is that even possible?  Matt wonders how he let himself get so vulnerable. Hes not used to feeling so open and so exposed. and he doesn't like it. It leaves him open for pain. It leaves him open for disappointment. without his voice keeping him company matts more aware of the silence and everything that comes with it. No distractions, no excuses. just him and his thoughts. If this Carrie's on hell have to work to make those a more pleasant place to be, matt cconsiders.

 

“hey everything ok?” matt jumps as jeremy seems to materialize next to him. “other than the heart attack you just gave me, I'm fine.” he Hope's the joke makes him seem more convincing. He doesn't really want to discuss the turmoil in his head. “well if you need to talk, you know where to find me.” jeremy smiles at matt and walks away. 

 

matt feels a calm steal over him as jeremy walks away. For a moment his anxiety seems to abate. That moment is exactly what he needs to get him head on straight. It's going to be ok.

 

Jeremy is more soothing than his inner voice ever was.

Over these last two weeks of the his own inner voice dimming Matt relizes he wants to hold onto Jeremy's voice

 

Matt sees Jeremy approaching and sits up. Hes started waiting for his friends approach and even looks forward to it. It always seems to be exactly what he needs. A calm soothing voice to distract him from the emptiness.  and often a good source of commands and projects to keep matt busy. He smiles as jeremy gets closer, excited to banish the loneliness for even a moment. And then his smile melts into a frown as jeremy walks right past him without even a glance in his direction. His chest contracts as he sees him approach alfredo, back from his two week vacation. A feeling, black and cloying, fills Matt's chest. He realizes it's jealousy. IIt's just as bad as the loneliness. 

and once again it's back to everyone in one corner and matt in a different room completely. "Michael, gav, ryan, trev, let's take fredo to a welcome back lunch"

Matt does get his wish. Jeremy's voice does enter his head. But in a lonely way he wishes he could banish for ever. He pleads for the voice to come back. For it to come back in his time of need. But it's silent and sometimes silence hurts 

 

Jeremy walks towards Matt's desk. Matt puts his head down, trying to not get his expectations up. He knows Jeremy will walk past him and ultimately he will the jealousy or the loneliness or the anxiety and he prays to anyone who will listen that he could go back to not feeling anything at all 

But Jeremy doesn't walk past. He stops at Matt's desk and matt lifts his head hopefully. "Hey thanks for filling in for alfredo while he was on vacation." He flashes one of those smiles that makes Matt's insides perk up just a bit. "Yea it was no issue" He smiles, he tries to make it look sincere. "Well thank you anyway." Jeremy smiles again. "Do you think you could edit some footage for me. Me and the lads are gonna film a between the games." Matt feels a little sad he isnt invited to help film but someone has to edit content right? "Yea sure have fun." Matt gives a smile. 

Sometimes it's hurts to smile.

 

Matt approaches the door to the studio. With no one to talk to (real or otherwise) times seems meaningless. Every moment blurs together. Nothing distinguishes one second from the next accept the loneliness he feels.

 

"How was having matt fill in for me." Matt pauses when he hears his name. Maybe just maybe it will be something good. "Weird. Hes kinda creepy." Matt's face falls and his heart feels like it's exploding. He can feel a panic attack coming on and for the first time in awhile the voice chimes in "walk away" but matt ignores it. He needs to hear this. "Hes so quiet. Probably planning to murder us all." That's jeremy. Everybody laughs at that. Is this really how others see him?  "But for now if I ask nicely hell do whatever I want. It's kind of pathetic really." Matt feels his chest start to tighten. His breaths start to come in gasps. Walk away. 

This time matt listens and stumbles off. He really is pathetic. why did it take him this long to see it. 

 

Matt wakes up sobbing. A monster rears inside of him. He doesn't remember his dream but whatever it was leaves him aching. He is not good enough. He is pathetic. He is worthless. He wants to claw at his chest, gouge it till all the black, evil, thoughts and feelings pour out. For a second he imagines it. Tendrils of dark ink like smoke pouring out of him. He sobs at the thought. 

breathe

Matt recoils.

Not from the voice.

But because it sounds like jeremy.

 

And because instead of the comfort he usually feels at he just feels anger and bitterness. Something needs to change. 

 

He has a choice to make

Sometimes it hurts to make decisions.

 

Matt stand and goes to his window, the first tendrils of pink are tinging the sky as the sun starts to rise. A new day. A new beginning. And all the time in the world to prove they were wrong. 

 

But what if they arent.


	2. Matt fights back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt looks to change and calls on a friend to do so.

Before the sun has completely colored the sky from day to night, Matt has made his first decision. He cant go in. Not today. The image of all the lads, gathered and talking about him, still runs through his mind. To go back now would just rub salt in the wound and he needs to focus on what he's going to do, which he cant do if he's still being forced to cower by the memory of their words.  
With a quick text to geoff, he takes the day off. He has enough time saved up. As Jeremy so brutally noted he has done everything asked of him. He has done everything anyone has asked of him. They can deal without him for one day. He probably won't even be missed. But where does he go from here. Everything seems so hopeless he doesn't even know where to start. 

Go shower 

Matt is relieved to hear the voice, in his own voice and not jeremys fake nice tone. And he doesn't even hesitate to follow it's instructions. He does note with some dismay that the calm numbness the voice used to bring no longer accompanies the voice now but tries to reassure himself that will come with time. 

As he showers matt tries to come up with something that could resemble a plan. His mind draws a blank. He wants to prove the other guys wrong to show them that he can be like them. To prove he's not that different. But He feels like he's back in school watching the popular kids laugh at him as he eats alone at lunch. He tries to conjure his inner dialogue for ideas but nothing comes to mind. He needs someone to tell him what to do.  
And then he does get an idea. Well half an idea. It's risky and likely to fail. But it's all matt has. So he finishes his shower and put it in action.  
Pulling out his phone, matt scrolls through his contacts until he lands on the one he wants. 

Fiona nova 

After selecting it, matt tries to get the courage to call. Fiona is daring and bold but still normal enough to seem..well...normal. As the newest member of the group though, she definitely isn't in with the boys. But it is kind of a boys club so it isn't expected for her to be. But most importantly she's a loner like Matt. but she's a cool loner. The type that's never called creepy. Matt's thumb hovers over the contact but he can't bring himself to do it. Maybe he can think of something else or endure it or get a new job. A new job far away from Jeremy might work. 

Are you fucking serious 

Matt recoiles. This is the first time he's ever heard the voice angry 

"He's so creepy" 

The voice does a mean thing and mimics jeremys scathing tone. 

Get it together and call her. You can and will prove them wrong. 

The voice is stern and Matt's face colors red but he pulls his phone and pulls up fiona's contact info and shakely presses call. He hopes she doesn't answer because of work and grows more hopeful as he hears one ring then two then three. But then his luck runs out and fiona picks up. 

"Hey matt whats up".

Matt panics. He had been so hopeful she wouldn't answer. What is he supposed to say. How does he explain the position he's in. And what if she says no 

Take a deep breath 

Matt does as he's told 

"Hey Fiona how are you. How's everything at the office."

Is he doing it correctly. Is this how normal people talk? He thinks so. 

"It's going smooth were just filming some lets plays. Jeremy has some footage for you to edit when you get back." 

She relays to him. 

"Why cant he edit it himself"

it comes out bitter and mean

"So you caught on then"

fiona sounds bored. 

"Caught on to what?"

Matt tries to sound politely confused. Did everyone in the office know? 

"That he's using you."

Fiona still sounds uninterested which doesn't lend much hope to the plan. 

"Yea I might have noticed"

matt lets some heat leak into his voice. 

"So what are you gonna do about it?"

Fiona sounds more interested now that she realizes matt is in a fighting mood. 

"I'm going to break him."

Before the words left Matt's mouth he doesn't even realize he's been thinking about them. 

Slow down, think this through. 

The voice returns again to appeal to matt's better side. It's still not in full effect though. Jeremy seems to have ruined that. So he listens to fionas instead

"Damn that's harsh."

She goes silent.

"I love it. What do you need from me."

Matt breathes a sigh of relief 

This will end badly.

Matt pushes the voice away. Of course it will but what does he have to lose. 

"I need you to make me into a better version of myself. The kind Jeremy wouldn't call creepy and would maybe actually be friends with. "

Matt holds his breath. It's a tall order can Fiona really pull it off? 

"Done. We can go shopping today and tomorrow you'll go drinking with me and some of the support crew. Namely Andy and Ashley and Ken."

Matt's head spins with all the new information. 

"I'll be at your house in 20"

fiona tells him. Now?? So fast? Everything is happening so fast Matt can hardly keep up. 

This is such a bad idea. 

 

Matt shoos the voice away, activity ignoring it now that he knows it will always come back. "Don't you have work today?" 

It's only noon after all. 

"Eh it's dead i'll just say I have errands to run." 

Matt shrugs and lets it go. 

"Ok I'll text you my address"

fiona agrees and they say their goodbyes. 

The next twenty minutes are those of anticipation and agony. Matt doesn't know what to do with himself. He gets dressed and combs his hair and his beard, trying to give Fiona something to work with. But a part of him is still ready for her to take one look at him and call it a lost cause. He tells that part to Fuck off. He's going to be cool and he's going to get back at Jeremy. This he repeats as a war cry, pumping himself up and preparing for anything that may come. Although he's waiting for it, he still jumps when he hears a knock on the door. When he answers he finds fiona standing there in all her glory. She's wearing ripped camo pants and a yellow crop top with combat boots. It shouldn't work but on her it's gorgeous. 

This wont work but she is your best bet. 

The voice is coming around. Matt feels glad hell take all the support he can get.  
Fiona doesn't hesitate to push past him into his living room and shes already looking him up and down when he turns around from closing the door. Matt feels like he's part of a movie transformation scene. But he knows this will be a lot harder than a montage of images that end with him looking perfect. 

"So am I hopeless"

Matt tries to break the tension. 

"Not hopeless just misrepresented"

Fiona says absently. 

Misrepresented. That's a nice way to say it. 

Matt agrees with the voice but stays still as fiona continues to look him over. 

"Show me your closet."

Matt leads fiona into his room and presents what's mostly a collection of graphic tees. Fiona skips those and goes straight to the meager selection of shirts hanging up. Taking out her phone, she seems to check items off a list as she goes. 

"So here's the deal, with your hair and beard you look like a man so we're gonna dress you like one. Just a cooler one. Any time you wear a graphic tee you wear a flannel or approved over jacket. You wear skinny jeans. You wear converse or vans."

fiona outlines the changes to matts outer appearance. Matt himself will have to fix what's under the surface to match what Fiona is putting forward but he thinks he can do it

Liar

Matt tells the voice to shove it as fiona starts talking about beard and hair care. She tugs and runs her fingers through his hair and he's glad he washed it today. Pulling it half up and leaving half down, she seems satisfied and pulls the one flannel he owns from his closet and throws it at him. This might be more work than he originally thought. 

"So have you thought about how you'll treat Jeremy tomorrow." 

Fiona doesn't beat around the bush. Matt likes that. 

"Playfully mean."

Matt has thought about this a bit. He wants to throw Jeremy off his game but still maintain a friendship he might need later. 

"A little sugar, a little spice. I like it."

Fiona smiles a small smile of approval. 

"You don't have to do this you know."

The smile drops from fiona's lips. 

"Change yourself just to get back at Jeremy."

She sounds softer than he's ever heard her. But just as fast it's gone. 

"Of course it's more fun this way I can't wait to see his face."

Fiona giggles and matt joins, imagining the look on jeremys face when matt walks in that first day back in skinny jeans and a flannel, so unlike what he usually wears. Even past that he imagines the look on his face when matt starts talking back and saying no. And if the real world reaction is even one fifth of what's in matt's head, it will be worth it.


	3. The change.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Fiona go shopping, making several changes to matts wardrobe and style in an effort to make matt "cool"

Matt lets fiona drive because she knows all where there going and hes mostly along for the ride. He has a feeling it's going to be a very long ride before all is said and done. 

Bad idea

The voice echoes what it's been saying. And matt maybe agrees but hes still hurt and the over powering urge to get back at Jeremy wins out over reason. 

"So where to first?"

Matt looks at Fiona who has previously been singing along to the radio. 

"First we get jeans. There's a couple stores in the mall i'm thinking." 

Matt cringes at the thought of the mall. So. Many. People. But beyond that, matt always shops online. He doesn't know how to shop in person. For a second he reminds himself he asked for this. For a second he thinks he might be crazy. 

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. 

The voice does what it does best and helps matt navigate all of his anxiety and panic, warding off a panic attack before it can even start.

"Then probably over shirts. I want to grt five or six." 

Matt nods and continues to breathe with the voice. 

"And then shoes and we'll be done. Unless you can think of anything else. " 

"Nope I think we're good" Matt nods decisively at fionas plan. 

It takes them about 10 minutes more to get to the mall. Matt passes the time by playing a game he learned that seems to calm him down. Instead of focusing on what makes him anxious he focuses on the cars passing. He identifies makes and colors and details. It takes his mind off his panic and makes him feel more grounded.  
Red toyota with scratch on the door.  
Blue Nissan with spoiler.  
On and on hes goes until 

"Were here" 

Matt's head snaps to fiona as she parks the car. This is really hapoening. Why did he agree to this. There's so many people. Matt steels himself. He asked for this. Now he has to live with it. 

"Ready to go in?" 

Fiona doesn't wait for confirmation before getting out of the car. Matt has no choice but to follow. Fiona seems so confident and in place. Matt feels like he seems so opposite. But he bucks up and follows with his hesd down. They walk down the crowded corridors until they come to a shop that's too black and too small for matt to think of even trying anything on. 

"Lets start here" 

But apparently this is what fiona has in mind 

If you don't like it you don't have to try it on. 

The voice tries to be soothing but Matt has a feeling Fiona wont let him pass on trying things on. She seems to know what she's doing so he follows her as she takes lead, not for the first time that day. 

"Try these first"

Fiona pulls a couple pairs from a pile, one black, one light blue, one dark blue. They look impossibly tight on the legs. But matt did promise to give her ideas a try. So he takes the jeans and heads to the dressing room. Stripping to his underwear, matt sizes up the jeans. He starts to panic. What if they get stuck. 

At least try

The voice commands gently so matt does as hes asked. Putting his legs through the hole in the jeans, he starts tugging them up his legs. And he really has to tug. His first impression that the fabric is incredibly tight is correct. Every inch he seems to get over his legs seems to conform to his legs immediately. Matt thinks it leaves very little to the imagination. But matts thinking that's fionas plan. After getting one leg through, matt continues the same tedious process with the second leg. This is his first time even touching skinny jeans and jesus it is a chore. Finally getting both legs through, matt tries to figure how to get them comfortably and easily over his ass. He them remebers once seeing a post about having to jump to get jeans on. At this point hes desperste to just get them on. With one big jump he feels them pull over his hips as he comes down. Hes shocked it actually works. Matt takes a deep breathe. The pants are tight but nothing he can't get used to. But now for the moment of truth, turning around he looks at himself in the mirror and he actually kind of likes what he sees. The way it accentuates his legs and makes him look taller, he could get used to that. 

"Ok i'm coming out. How do I look" 

He calls out to fiona as he opens the dressing room door, stepping out. He notices fiona bite her lip in a way he can't quiet place. 

"There ya go that's the look I want. Here's a couple more pairs if you like these ones. 

She hands him another couple pairs that he tries on. In the end he leaves with four new pairs of jeans. Two black, one light blue, and one dark blue. Next, a very enthusiastic fiona (well enthusiastic for Fiona) pulls matt towards another store. The first isle she takes him to is flannels. He feels comfortable around thr familiar fabric. This he can do. 

"One of every color?"

Fiona asks for matts preference

"yeah that should work"

Matt considers his undershirt and tries to pick flannels to match. these he can try on outside the dressing room and get real-time feedback. Send piano changes the game and he's back to being uncomfortable . She drives him to another section of the store this one casual button ups. Matt feels wildly out of place in his ratty t-shirt and jeans

" no"

No 

The Voice Echoes map for once they are in agreement. Fiona ignores him and continues to look at the shirts occasionally holding one up to check with matts skin tone or beard.

"no" 

matt repeats more firmly this time

" yes. not all the time but occasionally is wow factor everyone off their game"

Fiona is adamint and matt sighs knowing she's already won.

" fine but three only." 

Matt sulks while Fiona beams in joy at winning. She picks dark colors that compliment Matt's pale skin and dark eyes and when all is said and done Matt leaves with three button ups and four flannels  
As they exit the store with their purchases and start walking towards the shoe shop, Matt starts thinking about what sets everybody in the office apart from each other. then he passes a particular shop and get an idea.  
The studded Rose: Tattoos and piercings the sign reads. 

" what if I got a tattoo or piercing." 

Fiona turns confused and sees the Parlor . Please see the wheels turning in her head if it's in her Perfect Image she has for him or not

" actually yeah thatd Be Kind of Perfect.""

Matt smiles and gestures towards the shop.

" let's do it then."

Matt leads fiona into the shop and begins looking at various piercing jewelry and tattoo designs. Nothing jumps out to him particularly accept a round pair of black studs that look meant for ears. But he still browses the tattoo designs as he waits for the counter girl to return. Then something catches his eye. A Mario themed tattoo design. An idea sparks in his mind. If he were to get a tattoo it would have to be something he loved and what better than video games. 

"What about this but super smash bros. Think they could draw it up?" 

Matt startles Fiona from her own browsing 

"Yea that would be awesome. I'm sure someone could."

"Hi how can I help you today?"

A girl walks up to the counter and addresses the two. 

"Could one of your artists help me draw up a concept similar to this?"

Matt smiles at her and holds up the Mario piece." 

"Yea you'll want dai." 

The girl calls back into the booths and a heavily tattood man stepped out. 

"What can I do you for?" 

He steps up and shakes matts hand. 

"I was wondering if I could get a piece like this but super smash bros themed." 

The man smiles and walks behind the counter, rummaging through some papers in a binder. Finally he comes to one and pulls it out.  
It's a rainbow gradient smash ball with two rainbow ribons rapping up and down around it.

"Yes this is perfect" 

Matt checks it out and they discuss placement and style. In the end they land on forearm and before he knows, matts sitting on a chair with his arm laid out and a little needle poking him a thousand times. It definitely stings, but a good sting. The kind that makes him feel 100 percent more alive. He can now see why geoff has so many tattoos. He wants a million too. 

"Enjoying yourself? " 

Beside him, fiona lifts her head to address him. 

"I mean I understand why so many people have tattoos" 

Matt looks over at her. She and the artist both crack up. Which in turn makes Matt break out laughing. Fiona gives him the lip bite again. 

"Hey stay still"

The artist chides and matt calms. The tattoo takes an hour to finish. Matt relishes every minute of it. The best beginning to new him He could ever ask for. The second best start was the ear piercing he did after. Like the tattoo, it stung but he understands the pain and gets why people do it. He may even get more in the future. 

"We ready to go home?"

Matt turns to fiona as they leave the piercing parlor. She has a weird look on her face as she stares him. But it dissapears as soon as it appears so he convinces himself hes imaging things.

Stop being so paranoid. 

The voice reassures him he imagined it 

"Yea let's go put everything together and try on some outfits."

Matt fights a sigh. It's already been a long day. But fionas giving all her energy so he can do the same. The drive home is much less stressful than the drive there. Matt finally feels like hes himself again.  
Getting home, matt grabs a beer for him and Fiona while she assembles an outfit.

"So heres the rules for dressing. If your wearing skinny jeans you can wear just a tshirt. Non skinny jeans require a tshirt and a flannel or a button up. "

Matts head spins as he tries to keep up. 

"The ideal outfit is skinny jeans, a white shirt, a flannel, and vans. Which is what you'll be wearing tomorrow. Any questions?" 

Matt swallows hard.

"What if it doesn't change anything. What it everyone laughs at me."

Matt looks down through his lashes. This is his biggest fear. He hates that hes so insecure but he still has to ask the question. 

"Then fuck them cause my styling is phenomenal and you are phenomenal."

This puts Matt at ease and hes able to look at several outfits with fiona before showing her out and heading to bed early. Tomorrow is gonna be a long day 

 

Waking up the next morning, matt showers quickly, barely registering the warmth. Hopping out, he puts the ensemble on that fiona assembled for him. Blue skinny jeans, a white shirt, a blue and black flannel and straightened hair. He attempts to eat breakfast. Nothing really sounds good. Then it's time to go

It's ok. 

The voice keeps repeating this as he drives towards work. He doesn't believe it but he appreciates the centiment. Pulling into the parking lot, matt parks anf steps out of his car.  
Before he steps from his car, his phone buzzes. It's fiona 

You got this 

Matt smiles and replies.

I just got to work are you like stalking me or something. 

Matt sends a quick response.

It's nice having a friend. 

Matt can't tell if that's the voice or him but he agrees either way. Having a friend is nice. 

But what if she's like Jeremy.  
.  
The voice puts him on edge. He's pretty sure she isn't but… what if she is. Matt shakes his head. Hes has plenty to worry about today. He doesn't need to think about Fiona possibly betraying him in the future too.  
Walking across the parking lot, matt pops his sunglasses on to combat the early morning sun. Walking into his building, the first person he sees is him. Jeremy. And the reaction is priceless. He does one take then two. 

"Hey matt" 

For once his voice isn't the same self assured tone. Matt stands a little taller. He towers over Jeremy. 

"Hey jer whats up."

His usual response.

"You look different.. I mean good. " 

Jeremy looks down as stumbles on his words. 

"Thanks. Can I help you with something. " 

Matt tries to stay professional but does let a little snark leak into his words. Jeremy is an asshole after all. 

"Just wanted to say hi. But I do have some editing that I could use help with?" 

Jeremy flashes his eyes the way he does every time he tries to get Matt to do his work. 

"Why can't you?" 

Matt looks down at Jeremy.

"Well I mean I can I guess." 

Matr smiles a tight smile. Jeremy's face falls stunned and flat and matt gets a strange sick feeling in his stomach. 

"Good. Glad we could talk." 

Matt pats jeremys shoulder and walks away. This is a huge win in standing up for himself. So why does it feel like he just got punched in the gut?


	4. An unexpected visitor.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend pops by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for the short chapter just wanted to give you a little update.

Making his way back to his desk, Matts unsure of how he feels about what just happened. On one hand he's thrilled to have caught Jeremy so off guard. On the other, he feels bad for making jeremy uncomfortable. 

He deserved it. 

The voice pipes up and Matt kind of agrees. But at the same time, is that how he wants to live. An eye for an eye? Jeremy's human too. But so was Matt when jeremy said all those mean things about him and who knows what else. Why didn't jeremy have the thoughts Matts having now back then? All is fair in love and war. Matts just not sure which this qualifies as.   
Matt sits at his desk and pulls up some video footage he needs to render. Not Jeremy footage but actual assigned footage. He gets a couple more compliments from passing coworkers until 

"So how'd it go did he see you yet"

Fiona pops up next to his desk. 

"It went about how we planned." 

Matt glances at her excited face

Matt tries to sound as enthusiastic as she is , but apparently falls short. 

"Then why do you sound so dejected."

Fiona is now suspicious. 

"Maybe because I feel like a terrible person."

Matt admits to her.

"Well your not he started it."

Fiona reassures him 

"He got what he deserves"

She shrugs noncommittally and once again matt semi agrees. Part of him thinks she's right but the other part sticks up in jeremys defense.   
So he pushes the nicer part, the Jeremy sympathizer part down deep and tries to forget it's there. 

"So drinks tonight." 

It's a statement not a question. 

"Yea I'll be there" 

But matt still answers. Part of him wonders is he should try and get out of it but he knows fiona's plan has worked so far so he decides to keep with it. 

"Ok I'll come grab you after work and we can drive together."

She miles and half hugs him before taking off to her own work. The hug feels nice. Matt could get used to hugs. Turning back to his work, Matt feels productive. Like really productive. Like every fiber of his being is into work. It's the first time he's felt like this in a while. Quickly, he begins working on the footage he has to edit. After he's done with that , he begins another build. Because matts maps must live on. Then he's approached, for the third time that day. And by the most unlikely person. 

"Hey matt."

Matt looks up to see Gavin approaching his desk. Although he can be such a dick sometimes. He wonders if he has a snide remark to make at his expense. He is part of jeremy's little crew and therefore should not be talking to Matt. 

Keep an open mind. 

The voice gives another piece of good advice. Matt's been so pessimistic lately. Maybe it's time for some optimism. 

"Hey given. How can I help you?" 

Matt smiles at him. 

"I have a favor to ask" 

Gavin looks him in the eye. Matt sighs. 

"If it's footage-"

Gavin cuts him off.

"It's not footage." 

He looks earnest.

"I want you to teach me to build. Like you." He gestures towards the build matts working on. Matts a little taken aback. He seems honest enough. Like he could be serious. Maybe if Matt just keeps it about work it could be ok. 

"Why?" 

The question slips out. 

"I've always wanted to learn and your the best I know." 

Matt can't dispute that. He makes a large portion of the maps for achievement hunters. 

"Yea sure I'll show you some stuff. If you have a sec i'm working on one now." 

Gav nods and looks at the screen.

"A build should be difficult but fun. If it's a headache to create you probably did it right. "

Matt and Gavin both chuckle at his lame joke

"Seriously though, it's easy to get overwhelmed so take it one block at a time" 

Matt places a couple more blocks and Gavin watches intently. 

"How much time do you put into each build."

Gavin stares at the screen as Matt places square after square. 

"A few days at least " 

Gavin nods and they talk about building for a while longer, matt showing him the basics and Gavin becoming increasingly enthralled. After about an hour of talking and building, Gavin gets a text. 

"Oh shit i'm supposed to be filming. Can I come back tomorrow " 

Gavin stands up and looks at matt. 

"Sure." 

Matt nods. 

"Thank you for letting me watch I had fun" 

Matt nods again and they say their goodbyes before Gavin walks away. 

The rest of the day passes slowly. Matt makes more progress on the build and watches the others around him. When 5 o'clock hits matt is more than ready to go.   
.  
"Ready for drinks" 

Fiona appears at his desk right on time. Matt nods. 

"We will go back to your house and get ready then meet the other 3 at 7"

Matt nods again and stands up. 

"What do you mean get ready can't I just go like this?"

Matt thinks he looks fine.

"Yes you look great. But I need to change and you need to brush your hair and freshen up."

Matt sees her point and they headed back to his house.


	5. The night begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the night looks good for Matt.

Matt sits on his couch, fidgeting nervously. He doesn't go out often. So this will be new to him. Hes afraid he'll say or do something stupid. That no one will like him. Maybe he's pushing things too fast. Maybe it'd be easier if he just slowed down. And where is Fiona? How long does it take to change clothes and fix makeup. Apparently a lifetime.   
Just as these thoughts flit through his head, matts hears the bathroom door open. Finally. But when she walks out, matt understands. She wears tight black jeans with holes and a shiny black top with little straps that cross against her chest. And just the sight of her gives matt confidence. She's so pretty, so comfortable in her own skin. With her Matt knows he'll be safe. She knows what she's doing he needs to trust that.

"Finona, you look…..wow" 

Fiona smiles nervously, unsure of what to say. Shed be lying to say she didn't hope for some sort of compliment from him. She just didn't expect this amount of praise from him. 

"Thank you. I love dressing up for the bar."

Matt wonders if he should change to match her but decides against it. 

"Anyways are you ready to go."

The small shy smile she gives lights the room softly. 

"Yep let's do it."

The drive to the bar is silent. Matt for one is too nervous to make small talk. Fiona seems lost in thought as well. She's seems to nod along to whatever pop song plays over the radio as if on auto pilot. If matt were in a more observant mood he would ask her whats wrong. But he's not so he doesn't.   
When they arrive, they both sit in the car for a sec.

"You sure your ready to do this?"

Matt winces but nods so they get out of the car and walk towards the bar entrance. Around the door, a couple of people lean against the walls. A couple having a fight, a girl talking on her phone, a few guys smoking. Matt can already hear the music coming from behind the Door. A classic rock number, def leppard or maybe the stones. Fiona maintains her confidence, so matt tries to at least fake his. Although he can't help but look at the ground, he keeps his hands out of his pockets and attempts to stand up straight. Fiona nods when she accidentally catches the eye of phone girl. Matt keeps his eyes averted.   
Entering the bar, fiona spends a second searching the large group of people. Finally, she seems to find what shes looking for and starts heading that way. They seem to make their way towards the back of the bar, where the tables sit. They weave their way through the fairly thick crowd of people laughing and talking until matt spots Andy and now knows where fiona is going. Andy already has three beers sitting at the table by the time they get there. When Fiona and matt slide into the booth, he offers them up in way of greeting and both matt and Fiona take them happily. 

"Hey where's the others?" 

Fiona slides in next to Andy and matt slides in next to her.

"Caught up at work said they would meet us later."

Andy takes a sip of his beer and the others nod. Sometimes work can be unpredictable. It's not uncommon to have to stay late to finish a project. Around them the music and the sound of other voices swells. Matt feels awkward sitting here. This is not his scene. So he takes a large drink of his beer to hide his discomfort. And then another and another until the first beer is gone.   
Andy and fiona make small talk about video games and work and matt joins in when necessary. But mostly he people watches. Seeing all the girls trying to be pretty and all the boys trying to act tough, a group of scared people trying to get everyone else to like them. Which means matt fits right in. The only difference is matt is way too sober. But that he can fix 

"I know not everyone's here but how about a round of shots for us three?" 

The other two nod in agreement. What can one shot hurt? The others will be here soon anyways. 

"Whiskey?" 

Matt wants to start easy and no-one can protest so matt starts making his way through the crowd to the bar. 

Look at you, not panicking at all. 

The voice praises him. It sounds proud. But it should be. Matts in a social situation and he's not dying. He's holding his own so to speak. His reflections are interrupted when he runs into a girl who suddenly steps in front of him. Shes cute, 5'2 maybe. Redhead. 

"Oh sorry" 

She looks up at matt and blushes. Matt blushes too. 

"Don't worry about it, I should have been paying more attention." 

He puts his hands in his pockets and waits for her to walk away. 

"I like your tattoo"

she smiles at looks at the smash ball inked on matts arm. 

"Oh do you play?" 

The girl blushes again. 

"A little i'm not any good"

She ducks her head in a way that is very familiar to matt. She must not be very comfortable here either. 

"If you want pointers I could probably help." 

The words leave his mouth as if of his own free will. What is he thinking, actively flirting. This isn't him at all. He's not confident enough for this. But apparently he is because she smiles and grabs his wrist, scribbling her number on his arm. 

"Call me and we can see about that"

Matt laughs and watches as she walks through the crowd to two tall blonde girls whose faces he can't see. Looking at his arm in shock, Matt continues to the bar to finally retrieve the shots.   
On his return trip back to the table matts more careful not to bump into anyone. Now he has shot glasses full of liquid he's carrying which has quick to set down once he gets to the table. 

"There you are! I thought you got lost." 

Fiona teases him with a huge smile on her face which he sees melt into a look of disbelief as she catches him wrist in her hand. 

"Apparently I shouldn't have been worried it seems you did fine by yourself." 

She looks with laser beam concentration at the number on his arm. For a second he thinks something is wrong but then she starts to laugh. 

"Homeboys got moves" 

Andy laughs 

"I'll drink to that" 

All three of them throw back shots. Matt cringes at the taste. Bitter. So bitter. But not as bitter as seeing Fiona wave to the rest of the people they invited to drink and then realizing Jeremy had decided to tag along.


	6. Matt gets a shock pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matts night at the bar takes an interesting turn as he intereacts with new people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be another half to this chapter this week has just been hectic so this is what i had written

Matt swallows and tries to compose himself as Jeremy makes his way toward them. He just can't get Away from this guy. He's Not even supposed to be here. It's supposed to be Ashley, kent, Andy, fiona and him. 

"Hey guys" 

Kent greets them as he walks up to the table.

"Hope you don't mind I brought some strays."

Following behind Jeremy is Gavin, Ryan and geoff. Great, more of jeremy's little crew. 

Maybe this is an opportunity. 

The voice pokes him internally to get his attention. 

Opportunity. What type of advice is that? 

Good advice. 

The voice sasses him. 

Show them the real you. Be friendly and change their view on you. 

It is good advice. Even if matt doesn't want to take it. Even if it feels like he's about to burst at the seams with irritation and anxiety. Matt knows the voice is right but it's too much all at once. 

Breathe. Take some time to go get a drink. 

The voice chimes in with even better advice. 

"I'm gonna grab another drink, want anything." 

Fiona looks at him with a slightly worried look on her face

"Nah I'm good. Are you?" 

She nods in jeremys direction and matt nods once concisely. 

"Just need a Sec."

With that he walks towards the bar. This time he arrives with our incident and orders a double shot of Jack. This one goes down smoother than his earlier shot, probably due   
To the shock from the anxiety.

"Rough night?" 

The bartender asks as he watches matt down the contents of his glass. 

"You could say that" 

The bartender pours another without asking. 

"On the house." 

He smiles friendly enough at matt. Matts is not going to turn down a free drink so he takes it and throws it back too. 

"What's going on?" 

It's slightly strange the bartender is talking to him but he rolls with it. 

"See the table I just came from and the bald guy sitting there?"

The man nods 

"Hes been manipulating me to do his work and making fun of me for months and I was too stupid to see till recently."

The bartender winces with Matt, feeling sympathy. 

"And tonight was supposed to be about me coming out of my shell and hanging with friends but he showed up." 

Matt shrugs like it's not as big of a deal to him as it is. Honestly it's kind of becoming a complex. The more he tries to work past it the more he becomes stuck.

"Well if it helps your cuter than him" 

The bartender shrugs and Matt is left shocked. Is he hitting on him? Two people in one night. He reminds himself to tell Fiona thank you later, obviously it's the makeover making people like him. 

"I would normally disagree with you but your pretty cute yourself so I'll take your word for it." 

Matt decides to try and practice flirting. Who knows when this opportunity will come up again. Besides the bartender really is cute and just matts type. Shorter than him, muscular build and bearded.   
The alcohol coursing through him also helps. 

"My name's kaden"

Kaden smiles from the other side of the bar. 

"Matt" 

Matt smiles back at him. Kaden pours another drink and matt once again downs it in one swig. 

"You usually this into drinking or is it just my flirting making your nervous" 

Kaden leans on his elbows laughing as matts cocks a smile. 

"100 percent you." 

This makes kaden giggle in a very adorable way that makes a storm of butterflies swarm in his stomach.

"Kaden stop flirting and come help me." 

The other bartender on duty chastises kaden and kaden rolls his eyes but says

"Maybe I'll see you later" 

Before winking and going to grab an order. 

Matt shakes his head and goes to turn around only to find someone already standing there.   
Jeremy.  
Fuck. 

"Wow your quiet the flirt isn't you." 

He smiles an easy smile but matt can feel something behind it. He can't quite place it, annoyance anger. Jealousy. But why? Jeremy hates him except when he's messing with him. 

"Yea isn't that the thing to do on nights out"

he nods to where geoff and Ryan have a couple girls hanging off their every word. 

 

"Sure, if your not already with the person you're meant to go home with."

He shrugs and orders a gin and tonic from the non kaden bartender. 

"What's that supposed to mean."

Matts not going to take time to figure out what the fuck Jeremy is talking about.

"You tell me." 

He says in the most annoying cocky way possible..

"Id much rather not say anything and just walk away" 

Jeremy laughs and puts a hand on matts arm. He appears to be drunk or at least tipsy, like he drank before he came. Matt tries to forget how he feels when Jeremy touches him and focuses on the indignation instead. 

"What, afraid I'm right?" 

Matt tries to decide if jeremys always been this much of a dick or if it's just the alcohol talking

"Not as right as you seem to think you are. Why'd you even come tonight?" 

Matt can't help but ask the question. 

"Because you were going and I like messing with you."

The answer leaves a bitter taste in matts mouth but he knows he needed to know. 

"Go home Jeremy I don't want you here."

Matt sighs. Suddenly he's tired and a little dizzy. The alcohol is catching up to him

"Can I do one thing first? "

Jeremy looks as dizzy as Matt feels so Matt shrugs.   
But then jeremy leans in and places the softest kiss on mars cheek and matt feels himself go bright red.  
Then Jeremy walks away before Matt can freak out on him. 

Leaving matt more than a little confused.


End file.
